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Poll

Lets say a girl cancels a date last minute (or comes 30 mins late); basically does something that puts you off ? how do you react?

You don't comment on it and move on smoothly, act as if it never happened
You let her know that whatever she did pissed you off

Author Topic: How to react if she cancels a date  (Read 35294 times)

Offline jules

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How to react if she cancels a date
« on: January 20, 2011, 03:06:25 AM »
I'd just like to know what you guys think about this cause I've often found myself in this position. If you just brush it off she might just think that you're ok with being pushed around and keep doing it. On the other hand if you make a fuss of it that might make you seem weak too.

So what would you do?


Offline Tony

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Re: How to react if she cancels a date
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2011, 01:39:23 PM »
If she's way late and didn't text or anything I'd just leave and go do something else. I usually have stuff to do, so even if she does cancel last-minute I really don't care.

Offline Hennessy

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Re: How to react if she cancels a date
« Reply #2 on: January 23, 2011, 01:20:16 PM »
Agree with steggers completely. If it bothers you, you tell her proper! I fell you must lay down the law on this one with women according to how you feel about it. 
Imagine you were meeting with a good friend and he says 20 mins before that he won't be able to make it?
It all depends on the day, my mood -> I might go off on him, I might not even get bothered, depends on how much I respect him or how much he has done for me in my life to prove that he's worth my time  ...
so with a new girl( 1st date) , yep I'll most definitively tell her off , cause she hasn't 'proven' anything to me and she's got a whole lot a work ahead of her now if she wants a chance with me :P

Tony, I don't quite understand how you can really not care? At least to some degree... Could you please elaborate.? I mean I don't get upset in a big way and take it on a personal level, but geting canceled on last minute is certainly annoying.
For example I set up a date in the city's center, where all the good coffee shops are and it takes me 30 mins to get in to town...
Now if she cancels 20 mins before and I'm already on my way, I don't see what else I can have planed to entertain myself :D,
And I don't understand how do you exactly react later on cause you didn't say anything about do you give her a chance or not...

Offline Tony

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Re: How to react if she cancels a date
« Reply #3 on: January 23, 2011, 04:21:18 PM »
Tony, [..]
For example I set up a date in the city's center, where all the good coffee shops are and it takes me 30 mins to get in to town...
Now if she cancels 20 mins before and I'm already on my way, I don't see what else I can have planed to entertain myself :D,
I don't really go out of my way to go on a date with a girl I barely know. The first few 'dates' I just go about my area and do some silly stuff, like playing with a frisbee in the park close to my house.

Quote
And I don't understand how do you exactly react later on cause you didn't say anything about do you give her a chance or not...
Yeah, I didn't really say anything useful about that. I'd just been hanging around airports for hours, lol.

It's a bit like this:
new girl, plausible explanation, first offence: reschedule
new girl, any other shit: out

For girls I've been dating for a while and friends it depends a little on how much trouble I've been through to get there (or had to buy, arrange etc.). If it's near my house I really don't care. I know these people wouldn't just bail on me. In case I had to go through lots of 'trouble', and they didn't call or have a plausible explanation, I might have 'em make it up to me or just hang with different people.

Offline jules

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Re: How to react if she cancels a date
« Reply #4 on: January 26, 2011, 06:38:38 AM »
Thanks for the answers guys!

I think you're all kind of right. It's normal to get annoyed about somebody bailing on you but I think that if you let it ruin your whole day or really demoralize you, then the whole thing is going too far, after all it's only a date not a wedding.


Offline 3under

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Re: How to react if she cancels a date
« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2011, 12:54:33 PM »
Neither.

If she cancels on you, it means she's not interested in you.

Whether you play it off cool or you put her in her place, it doesn't matter when it comes to the bottom line, which is she isn't interested in you.

At least you found out before you invested your time in a date. She saved you time. Thank her for it. 

Offline jules

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Re: How to react if she cancels a date
« Reply #6 on: February 16, 2011, 08:15:45 AM »
3under, what you say is probably true most of the time BUT: shit happens. We've all had to cancel appointments/dates or have been late for them no matter how much we actually wanted to be there, so I wouldn't necessarily take it as an indicator of disinterest. Besides I can usually tell if a girl's into me or not so that's not much of an issue...

Offline Tony

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Re: How to react if she cancels a date
« Reply #7 on: February 16, 2011, 02:13:19 PM »
I just had a conversation where this girl wanted to cancel our meet-up.
(She started chatting to me...)
Girl: Hey, I don't think I'll be out tonight
Me: Yes you are.
G: No, are you going to do my homework then?
M: No, you should do that yourself. Just plan your homework around the meet-up.
G: Well... I don't think so. Perhaps if you tell me what we're gonna do.
M: Hahah, your dark side is coming out again.
G: Yeah, I just thought of that.
M: Indeed, you've outdone yourself this time. I'll pick you up between seven and eight tonight.
G: OK, but I won't be staying too long.

At some point, it just isn't about the girl any more, but about trying to get your way, lol :P
« Last Edit: February 16, 2011, 08:51:03 PM by Tony »

Offline 3under

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Re: How to react if she cancels a date
« Reply #8 on: February 16, 2011, 07:28:45 PM »
3under, what you say is probably true most of the time BUT: shit happens. We've all had to cancel appointments/dates or have been late for them no matter how much we actually wanted to be there, so I wouldn't necessarily take it as an indicator of disinterest. Besides I can usually tell if a girl's into me or not so that's not much of an issue...

If that's the case, then this question is trivial.

Why don't you act like a normal human being and just reschedule or something like that? You're already thinking she's playing mind games with you, otherwise, you wouldn't have asked the question.

Also, do you know if she's SEXUALLY interested in you or if she's PLATONICALLY interested in you? 

Women LOVE platonic attention and will pretend to be sexually interested you to get that.

Lastly, if she's genuinely interested in you sexually, she'll make the effort to call you.

Offline Kaizen

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Re: How to react if she cancels a date
« Reply #9 on: March 12, 2011, 07:22:45 AM »
How about this one guys, any advice is welcome!

Tried arranging a meeting with a girl twice. When I happened to be in her city, Amsterdam, I sent a FB message saying: "Hey, I'm around in Amsterdam next Saturday, wanna meet up?"

She responded positively, saying she would love to, but had other plans. This happened twice. Then I said, well tell me some dates you are available. No response. Sent her a reminder about giving me dates to meet, to which she responded that March 11th would be ok (yesterday).

Told her that was ok, but I had to teach a BJJ class before, so we could meet at 2200 in MY city. She hasn't replied to that idea at all. Frustrated and disappointed I sent her a message last night that I actually expected a response.

Her answer was that it was a hectic day and she completely forgot...including "please don't hate me".

What to do guys? First thing that comes to mind is to tell her that if she really wants to meet, she should come up with a great idea to make it up to me, otherwise I don't want to.

Any help is appreciated.


Offline Rumba!

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Re: How to react if she cancels a date
« Reply #10 on: March 12, 2011, 02:51:23 PM »
No offence mate, but it sounds like your comming across as kind of needy and she's picked up on that, big time!
According to your post, she replied twice to you, saying she was busy. Then you send her an email asking when she's free, which to her probably sounds like "Oh God, please come out; I'll make myself free whatever time suits you!?!!" She does'nt respond to this. You email her, AGAIN!
She says she'll meet you on the 11th (can't see a flake happening, can you!?!).You give her meeting time to which she does'nt even bother acknowleging. You send a whiney email asking why she has'nt replied and she says she was busy and forgot, and to try and make you feel better, throws out a nice comment at the end.
If you send a girl an email and she blows you off twice; GAME OVER! If she genuinly wanted to meet you, she'd make time for at least a drink! After that your just making yourself look desperate.

Tough love time, dude; Man up, forget her, move on!!!...
Not having a go at you mate, as I've been in exactly the same boat as you, as I'm sure a lot of guys here, have. Trust me, find someone who does want to meet up with you and this girl will be a distant memory.

Peace,
Rumba!  8)

Offline Kaizen

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Re: How to react if she cancels a date
« Reply #11 on: March 12, 2011, 05:40:24 PM »
Rumba, thanks for the manly feedback, haha! Why do girls then keep telling that they would love to meet up, but not this time? Is it so they can get the attention?

Fucking annoying! I'm still quite emotional about this, because I had a lot of flakes lately.
After her last message saying she was sorry I sent this (manly feedback needed as well ;)

--------------------------
Hi N,

You told me you were able to meet the 11th, and then suddenly you can't? Or did you think 22 o'clock was too late to meet? Then tell me, I'm willing to discuss meeting time ;) Besides that, you could've canceled earlier this week.

If you really wanna meet, come up with a very nice proposal (to make it up :P), if not, then I would like to stop staying in touch and of course wishing you goodluck with your dancing career!

K.

Kevin



Offline Rumba!

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Re: How to react if she cancels a date
« Reply #12 on: March 12, 2011, 11:28:51 PM »
A lot of girls feel bad if they just ignore your mails so often they'll say stuff like
"yeah let's meet up on the 22nd!" when they have no intention of doing so and
so by cancelling a couple of times, hope you get the hint and stop texting/emailing
them.
I know flakes can be really aggravating, but try to look at how your building comfort
with the girl. Remember she's giving her details to a guy who was a complete stranger
15/30 minutes earlier so if your not making a connection weather by by building commonalities, teasing etc, your flake ratio will be high.
As for your email, I'd say your chances of a D2 are slim to none & slim just left town!

Peace,
Rumba!  8)

Offline Kaizen

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Re: How to react if she cancels a date
« Reply #13 on: March 13, 2011, 06:54:55 AM »
Thanks again dude! Damn. But a girl actually replying let's meet the 11th, who doesn't have the intention of doing so, is EVEN WORSE than being ignored by that same girl.

Next!  8)

Offline Charleston

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Re: How to react if she cancels a date
« Reply #14 on: May 09, 2011, 05:32:09 PM »
One incident I've had recently, wondering how/if I should have done it differently.

Hot blonde girl walking through campus, go over, compliment, after 5 minutes I ask what she is up to at the moment and suggest that we go for coffee. She says that she was out the night before and really just wants to go to bed right now but would love to go some other time. She gives me her number and a couple of days later I text her (would like to have done one right away and one the next day but my phone charger wasn't working and so I was waiting on a new one).

I text her and she agrees to meet up for a smoothie on Saturday. She cancels on the day, but is very apologetic, has a good excuse (we got exams in a week) and suggests we reschedule it.
Ok, first offence but she sounds genuinely guilty about cancelling it, so I suggest Monday would be better because thats my essay hand in day and it would be a nice way to celebrate.
Same thing happens on the Monday, I get a text a few hours before, with a good reason and a suggestion to meet up again after exams (this will be in 2 or 3 weeks time).

I think that even though she clearly wants to meet up, these 2 cancelled dates have set a precedent and the long wait will create high expectations. Considering how short a time we actually spoke to each other, I remember barely anything about her and would probably have trouble recognising her if we agreed to meet somewhere. I decide that its probably not worth bothering with.
So I send a text: "i don t want these cancellations to set a pressident (sic.). we ll do something after exams if you promise me that you are actually working. if you are procrastinating i won t waste my time"

To which I get the reply "Its precedent not pressident. Dont waste your time then you prick. How dare you talk to me like that."

It's not the fact that I lost her that bothers me, its just that I would rather not come off as a prick, especially considering that you are liable to bump into people at uni on more than one occaision. Also, I'm not here to provide bad experiences for women. I guess that she was nothing but nice to me then I was unnecessarily harsh in return.
What I'm wondering is... is there a good way to say "listen, we either do this now or not bother" and not have the girl hate you?

I should also double check my spelling. It's probably not what did it, but it didn't help matters.