Oh NO! I've just found out a MASSIVE insecurity I have...help?

[Strider]

Okay, long story short. Right.

There's a girl, I barely spoke to her back in college but I added her on Facebook after our first conversation (2 years ago?) She is an insanely attractive human being. Like...insultingly hot.

We get chatting on Facebook chat and I give her my number (I always do this with girls now, it's such an indicator of interest if she ever calls/texts you on it) she then gives me hers in return. Sweet.

2 hours later...my phone starts ringing. I look at the screen and it's her.

I freeze.

I watch the phone ring and ring, but I don't answer it...I can't answer it! I was crippled with nerves!

I HATE talking on the phone, I always have done...but I understand it's necessary in any form of game. So when a hot chick calls me, logic...my penis, and all my brain signals are saying ANSWER IT!! But I just don't.

It's happened before on occasion too, if I see someone I don't really know call me I RARELY answer it...the fear of awkward talking over each other makes me SO nervous.

And this has come when I'm in the biggest winning streak of my life when it comes to pick up. One hell of a sticking point right?

I need someone to give me some way of breaking out of this head space, this could fuck some serious shit up...

So if anyone can suggest anything it will be greatly appreciated!

[Giovanni]

It depends on how bad your fear is, but if you just have a couple of nice experiences talking to someone on skype it might seriously decrease the anxiety to talk to someone on the phone.

And as quite a lot of people nowadays have skype, i'd suggest just talking a bit to your mates or female friends over skype instead of instantmessaging over facebook or messenger.

Another option is to stick to texting, I personally text most girls and only call them once or twice but its dependant on how she likes to communicate aswell I guess, hope this helps you froward mate

[Tony]

It's not a big deal, really.

I've had a job in customer support which involved a lot of talking on the phone to random strangers and I still get that strange feeling inside when I have to call someone or pick up my phone. I know why that happens to me though. It's because I can't actually see the other person (and vice versa) and I know I communicate a lot stronger if I have the support of my non-verbals. So I usually text, because what I would lack in non-verbals in a call, I can make up for by using some carefully chosen words.

[Nickthepua]

Yeah I get really nervous on the phone too..... I believe it's a form of SAD(social anxiety disorder) 20 million people suffer from it, Here's so more info: http://www.socialanxiety.co.uk/what_is_social_anxiety.shtml

[Strider]

Yeah the weird thing is I have to answer the phone all the time in my day job. And it doesn't phase me!

I think not being able to see the person could be my kryptonite too...I tend to try and lead the phone conversation, and if the person on the end of the phone is trying to lead it too...everything gets jumbled talking over each other.

Might need to invest in a decent phone pick up product!

[luthor]

I'm the same, used to work in call centres too so have a lot of experience communicating on the phone, but I just don't enjoy talking on the phone to friends. And with prospective dates and women it's even worse.

The problem is, women seem to love the phone!! Previous girlfriends kept me on the phone for hours! And calling new women and having awkward small talk fills me with dread.

Here's what helps me though. Walking. When I'm on the phone with someone new, I pace. This takes away any negative body language I could be having and makes you sound better if you're not hunched over in bed or on a sofa. Also, I have a list of 5 possible things to talk about, now it's not always necessary to use this list but if you feel the convo dying or there's an uncomfortable silence, you don't have to think and can just pick one of your 5 topics and roll with it.

Also, I like to make calls as short as possible, you don't want to be getting a hot ear, so say you have to run or have people coming over or anything to make sure the call doesn't drag on until a bore point. Leave them wanting more.

And like with most things, after you've done it, you feel a lot better for having done it and not pussying out. Which will make the next time less daunting.

[Skents]

I used to suffer from this and I came up with an unconventional way of overcoming it. I called random companies and just flirted with anything female that picked up the phone... Sounds weird, probably is but it worked a charm for me

[Viscount]

Hey,

Great post! Man alive we have all been there with phone anxiety. As has already been mentioned it's a case of reconditioning yourself to a positive association to the phone call rather than a negative one. A really good way I found of changing my associations is asking the question: What can I learn from this?

Give it a go and see what happens.

Also, just to be clear - SAD is Seasonal Affective Disorder and is linked with depression, Social Anxiety is very different as laid out in the link.

Love the examples of beating the anxiety!!!!

cheers guys
V