But I will have to agree with a poster earlier in here who said that for newcomers, indirect is probably better.
But I think that personally, for newbies indirect is probably better until they get plenty of experience and boost their confidence from it then can develop the courage to go direct.
I totally disagree
with you on this. You see, indirect and Direct are two completely opposing philosophies. If you start out indirect and then decide to switch to direct later, you're going to have to unlearn all the indirect stuff before you can fully become direct. And that is the crux of the problem.
So in truth, if a guy wants to be a Direct guy, he should start out Direct. Otherwise he is going to develop bad habits (indirect) and he's going to have to unlearn these when he later switches to Direct.
Direct and indirect are two different roads. You have to choose which fork in the road you want to go down. Starting out as indirect does not lead to being Direct. The indirect road does not lead to Direct, and vice versa.
Let's be honest, a large number of guys who got interested in this (not all I must emphasize) want to better with women do seem to perhaps feel shy and anxious (why else is it called Approach Anxiety?) and have not had much luck with women, or are getting over a bad break-up or many other things that play a part in lacking self-confidence. They want to become alpha but have a bit of work to do.
I just feel that if someone with rather fragile self-confidence tried a very direct approach (no, nothing x-rated but even the harmless "I just thought you looked stunning and had to say hi") and got a WTF type response from the girl and felt embarrassed, that could hurt his feelings and confidence even more. I know there is also the importance of how you say it that can make the difference but to each their own.
If a guy wants to conquer his fear of skydiving, how should he do that? Simple: by jumping out of the plane.
If a musician wants to conquer his fear of playing to an audience, how should he do that? Simple: he needs to get out there any perform in front of an audience enough times until his fear goes away.
And likewise, if a guy wants to get over his fear of rejection, he should simply approach women and have exposure to rejection until rejection no longer phases him.
I don't buy into this idea that a guy should be indirect first, then become Direct. It's better to just throw yourself in at the deep end if you want to truly conquer your fears. So if a guy wants to be Direct, he should start out Direct and skip indirect altogether.
Indirect doesn't help a guy truly overcome his fear of rejection. Indirect is just another buffer in between himself and rejection. Direct exposes a woman's TRUE interest in a guy, so if a guy wants to conquer his fear of rejection, he should reveal his TRUE DESIRES to women, so they can reveal their true desires to him. He'll soon develop a thick skin and not care about rejection after a certain amount of Direct approaches.
After all, there was that clip of Adam Lyons himself doing a very indirect opener back in his early days (asking a girl if she knows where there may be a Starbucks) and by transitioning with wit and charisma he introduced himself to her, had some good convo and then #closed. All after just asking if she knew where a Starbucks was.
I've seen that video. It proves nothing. It showed him asking a girl directions and then getting her phone number, that's all. That's not pulling her. He didn't reveal his intentions to her or anything. It's was a platonic, non-sexual approach where he got a phone number, that's all. What happened AFTER that? Did he end up dating/having sex with her? I'd be willing to bet that most, if not all, the phone numbers he got lead nowhere.
See, this is the mistake a lot of these indirect/PUA guys make. They believe that getting a girl's phone number means they've 'pulled' her. They believe that having a bullshit/non-sexual conversation with a girl and then asking for her phone number means they've 'pulled her'. Nothing could be further from the truth
. A platonic conversation isn't 'pulling' a woman. Merely getting a phone number isn't 'pulling' someone. A phone number is just a way to contact someone.
Direct guys don't focus on getting phone numbers. Instead, we focus on being upfront and honest with women about our intentions, so that we can find out if the woman is interested in us sexually or not. And usually we don't even ask for phone numbers, we give out our number instead.
So don't get too excited about all these 'hidden camera' pua approaches you see on the internet. In most of these videos, the emphasis is on getting a girl's phone number, and the guy in the video just gets a phone number, nothing more. But you never see what happens AFTER the phone number in any of these videos. The bottom line is: it's not the phone number that counts, it's what happens AFTER that that counts. What's the point of getting a ton of phone numbers that lead nowhere? It might look impressive in videos, but if the phone numbers lead nowhere, they're worthless.
The whole pua community seems obsessed with 'getting a girl's phone number', as if a phone number = success or something. But have you also noticed that the biggest problems indirect puas face is what to do AFTER the phone number? Have you ever noticed the massive flake rate that being indirect leads to? The truth is, most phone numbers after an indirect approach generally lead nowhere, they mostly lead to flakes
. But most indirect pua guys seem blinded to this fact.
A more efficient way of going about things is the Direct way: we approach women and let them know UPFRONT that we find them attractive and we let them know what we REALLY want from them. Perhaps we'll talk to them for a bit longer if we feel like it. Then, instead of getting a phone number, we'll give out our number and tell her to get in touch if she's interested in getting together. I've found this has weeded out flakes almost completely, since only the girls who are interested will call.
The reason I seem to like indirect game is that you can actually demonstrate bits of your personality (beyond the most obvious reason why you approached)
Who says you can't show your personality if you approach women Direct? Being Direct does not mean you can't show your personality. That's another misconception about Direct: a lot of indirect guys somehow believe that if you're Direct, you can't show your personality, and I'm here to tell you that's not true!
If anything, a Direct guy is more likely to show his true personality because Direct is about being your REAL self, devoid of any games/manipulation/tactics etc.
Indirect, though, is about HIDING your real intentions, and HIDING your interest in a girl. If you're HIDING something, you're being phony and you're not being real. So if anything, by being indirect you're less likely to show your real personality (if at all).
and she can remember you as a person rather than some guy who chatted her up.
Why would you not want a girl to remember you as a guy who chatted her up?
When I approach a girl, I want her to know the REAL REASON I'm approaching her. I don't want her simply to 'remember me as a person'....I want her to remember me for the REAL REASON I talked to her. I want her to be 100% crystal clear as why I approach her. So of course I want her to know I'm chatting her up!
Indirect guys seem want to chat a girl up by pretending they're not chatting her up. And that is one of the reasons why I don't like indirect. That's just stupid. It actually hinders you more to pretend you're not chatting her up, when in reality you DO want to date her/have sex with her.
Surely many of you have made single-serving friends before (not trying to discuss Fight Club!) where you met someone by circumstance (on a train, plane, wherever) and struck up a conversation and ended up getting really friendly with them only not to see them again.
When I approach a women, I'm not looking for a friend. I'm looking for a lover, and I want her to know that UPFRONT so I don't waste my time if she's not genuinely interested in me sexually.
That would class as something that started with an indirect opener, but who knows maybe some such situations may have escalated into k-closes, f-closes or whatever.
If you're looking for a kiss or a fuck, why hide that fact? Why beat around the bush? Why pretend you are looking for something else, when in reality you want to kiss her or fuck her? What is there to gain by hiding your intentions? I don't get why you want to hide your intentions or what you feel you have to gain by hiding your intentions. If I want to order steak in restaurant, I tell the waiter I want steak. I don't pretend I want seafood and hope I get steak. Same applies when you approach a women....why pretend you don't want something when in reality you do?