Problem with Dayy2s : I don't see them again after the first or second date.

[LOV]

Hey guys,

 I do daygame quite frequently and but my dates have not resulted in anything sustaining. I have done my reflections and realized that I have not built enough connection, there is this sense of awkwardness when i meet them for the first time,  and  i lose my frame sometimes.

Connection- not sitting with them and connecting with them

Sense of awkwardness- I guess its natural for this to arise?  I tend to try to mend this awkwardness by trying to fill in with conversation

Lose my frame -  I sometimes feel judged. Because i don't match up to their lifestyle and their social life, etc.. Guess i just need to be more comfortable with myself.

I am also  balancing  out my life by reading, meditating, going out with frens, working out,etc.

Any advice?

[Rumba!]

I do daygame quite frequently and but my dates have not resulted in anything sustaining. I have done my reflections and realized that I have not built enough connection, there is this sense of awkwardness when i meet them for the first time,  and  i lose my frame sometimes.

Connection- not sitting with them and connecting with them

Sense of awkwardness- I guess its natural for this to arise?  I tend to try to mend this awkwardness by trying to fill in with conversation

Lose my frame -  I sometimes feel judged. Because i don't match up to their lifestyle and their social life, etc.. Guess i just need to be more comfortable with myself.

I am also  balancing  out my life by reading, meditating, going out with frens, working out,etc.

Any advice?

You say you?re not connecting with the girl, feeling you?re not worthy of her etc.. but surely there must have been some connection initially otherwise the girl wouldn?t agree to meet you!? Perhaps your putting pressure on yourself to ?perform? so as to speak, to be cool, fun, and charming as you feel you need to impress the girl. This is only natural when you first start getting dates/D2?s from day time approaches. Just keep the frame that ?you are enough?! Don?t try and like what she likes, but draw her into your world. You mention you have other things in your life; Great!! Tell her about them! Girls are impressed about guys who have a passion for things in their lives. Reading, meditation, socialising are all massive positives in your life so let the girl know why you like doing them and you?ll soon find the inner confidence.

Peace,
Rumba! 

[LOV]

I guess nowadays i go into dates fearing that im gonna lose them. This is from past conditioning of dates that didn't go well. So i need to look at that.

How much must I lead? Im not sure if i should just remain centered and let her react to me or should i take an active role in the conversation too? I guess its a balance between the two?

And is it a normal thing for dates not to last at first?

Thanks

[Rumba!]

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How much must I lead? Im not sure if i should just remain centered and let her react to me or should i take an active role in the conversation too? I guess its a balance between the two?



It depends on the girl's personality a lot of the time. If she's naturally shy or quiet then you will have to make the running by making statements and observations. However if she's very bubbly and outgoing then you can just treat it as a normal conversation, and let her talk and then just come in with something as and when you feel like it.

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And is it a normal thing for dates not to last at first?


How long are your's lasting then? Again, every date will be different so if you just meet and go for a coffee then that will probably be shorter that if you go for something to eat followed by drinks after. If the girl is ending the date early and hasn't told you before that she can't be out too late, then it may be a result of the issues you mentioned in your post about not connecting with her and feeling awkward. As I've mentioned before in posts, girls pick up on changes in how a guy speaks, acts, etc and if they feel the date is not really going that well then rather than drag it out to an awkward stage, they may think it kinder to say they have to get up early the next day or something similar. Again, if you look to show passion in your life and interests then it should help alleviate any "distance" between you both!

Peace,
Rumba! 

[LOV]

It's not really that they don't last long. Its more of I'm not seeing them again after the first date, But, I have been getting more consistency of getting dates.

I would like to talk about this case with a girl.

I approached her in school and we meet up in school. On the first  meetup, i realize that im not really having a fun vibe with her. On the second meeting, she tells me she does not want to see me again.

Several months later, i text her again and we go out. She tells me that she is still not interested and she doesent mind catching up.This time we go out 4 times. I thought we had a much better time. There was more of a vibe, more fun. At the end of it, she started avoiding me and then i called her out. She said i was high maintenance and she was tired with life.

This is what i learned from the outings.

She told me that I gotta be interested.
Told me that girls will leave me because they know that i wont tell the that i like them.
Told me that i was egotistical
Told me that i expect the girl to do all the work. Which means that i expect her to work for my approval.

She knows that i do pick-up and she is partially against it.

I came into this with "I'm not gonna try anything" frame. I waited for her to fill in the silences.

Any advice on what i could have improved and comments on how i screwed up?

[LOV]

Anyone Else has any advice?
Thanks