Weirding girls out?

[IanTheDon]

Hi my name is Ian I have just recently finished watching The Daygame Blueprint and after watching the program I have come to believe that daygame is possible. Learning the structure and seeing Yad go out and just vibe with women and get there numbers has motivated me to finally give this a try.

For the last week I have been going to the mall every other day to try and meet women. I have pulled off a few Yad stops but most of my approaches are women who are by themselves in stores, I just don't feel comfortable yet to pull of 2+ sets.

I usually approach the women with "Excuse me, I just saw you over there and I thought, you looked really nice, (Observational Statement about her outfit)". After I say my opener I will sometimes get a smile but mostly its a dry thank you and the girl will try to slowly wonder away. I will then try to forward the conservation by asking her name or whats she up too today but these usually do not go well as they are very cold with there responses or they will say things like why should I tell you, or I don't know you.

So far this has been the story of my daygame encounters it has been very hard for me to even get into the attraction phase, whats the problem is this normal when you first start daygame? Is there anything you guys see I'm doing wrong? I make eye contact, keep good posture, and project my voice but I do still have some butterfly's in my stomach when I approach can this be a problem? My main questions as of now are how can I get her to loosen up in the beginning of the interaction, and what are some good transitions to use after the opener in daygame.

As of right now I have gone through this mostly with the occasional blowout and no numbers but I am not discouraged. I am just looking to see if this is normal when you are first starting daygame and what are some ways to improve my responses. I want to become good with women and daygame I have been running from women this my entire life and now I'm willing to put in the work to become good. Thanks you guys and look forward to the help.

[qball]

If I was you, I would actually focus on doing Yad stops to girls who are walking outside at first. Done properly, they'll feel more comfortable because they won't feel cornered. They know if they want to leave, they can always keep on walking. Also, the act of actually stopping them in their tracks shows a lot of boldness. In a store, you're potentially putting them in more awkward of a situation. Also, dont ask how their day is going, that is the place where you should be assumption stacking. (What does her outfit or otherwise vibe say about her? Expand on that instead of asking questions). From the reactions you're getting, it doesn't sound like you are coming across naturally. The overall tonality you use shouldn't be unlike how you talk to a friend. in other words, assume rapport. If you want to be really objective, buy a dictation recorder and record lots of interactions so you can replay them and pinpoint what sounds natural and what doesn't.

[Rob]

I will then try to forward the conservation by asking her name or whats she up too today but these usually do not go well as they are very cold with there responses or they will say things like why should I tell you, or I don't know you.

As you saw in the DG blueprint the next part after the open is called assumption stacking and this really is the best way to transition the conversation. Its basically a way to turn all questions into statements as asking somebody questions who you have just met is asking them to do all the work from the very beginning which is never a good thing. After you have given the observational statement, make simple assumptions about her from what you can see in front of you- try and go with the first thing that comes to your mind as it doesn't matter if its right or wrong. An example of this is if she is wearing crazy bright coloured clothes you can make an assumption that she does something creative for a living. Once you get better at this you can then come up with more creative/funny statements which will help her hook. As you can see this is so much more effective than asking question after question.

Is there anything you guys see I'm doing wrong? I make eye contact, keep good posture, and project my voice but I do still have some butterfly's in my stomach when I approach can this be a problem?

Are you remembering to........... SMILE
This is honestly soooo important, and yes having the butterfly's in your stomach may be affecting this as in the beginning when I was nervous I found out that I wasn't smiling. This will come increasingly with time as your nerves decrease. But for now before you approach try and have the mindset that opening this girl is a fun/cheeky thing you are about to do- dont take it too seriously. Focus on your desire for this individual girl and how you are just about to make her day. 

Hope this helps

[Rumba!]

Firstly congrats on your first approach, which takes a lot of courage! I think subconsciously, your thinking of talking to girls in the day as weird and this is coming across in your approaches. If you aren?t relaxed then the girl will pick up on it and asking her what she?s doing, will get you a negative response. I mean if a strange, nervous guy came up to you in the street and asked what you were doing, I doubt you?d smile and chat with him for ten minutes!?! How do you get on with your work/college(?) female friends? If you can chat to them ok, then it?s a case, as qball says, of talking to women you approach, in the same way as if you already know them.
 After you mention your opener it sounds like from your report, that your waiting  for a reply. DON?T! Remember to the girl, your still a stranger and whilst saying something nice about their dress/hair/bag may get you a smile or a ?thanks!? you need to follow it up straight away with a statement/observation almost before she responds! Try throwing in a self depreciating joke about yourself early on  i.e ?Man, my mate asked me to buy loads of beer for my his party and I don?t even drink it!?!? This will help both of you relax and by telling her something about you, she?s more likely to open up and tell you what she?s doing. If your doing approaches in a shopping centre then you can make a joke about how you bet she?s there to indulge in girl?s favourite hobby; buying shoes! In most cases, unless you meet a girl who?s naturally chatty or outgoing, you?re going to have to most of the talking initially in order for her to feel comfortable. There?s nothing worse than short, awkward silence periods, when you?ve just opened a girl. Remember it?s better to talk about the weather, late trains or any other rubbish than to stand there going ?So..erm..well..err?. Have some stuff about what you?re doing that day prepared, so you can tell her that your off to the park to play Frisbee with your mates or you?re going to do some cool hobby or whatever. This way you can be speaking but noticing stuff about her and what you?re going to say to her, next.

Peace,
Rumba! 

[Richie Rich]

Ian,

I TRULY believe that 99% of sticking points guys have on here with women is simply due to their INNER game. Nobody can convince me otherwise of this.

A man who is cool and centred, non-needy, with an abundant mentality, who is approaching the girl to see if she will fit into his life - and not the other way around - will simply come across as an attractive man to a girl naturally; it will radiate out of him, and women will pick up on this.

Yes, it may be semi-important, my friend, to work on your eye contact, your vocal tonality, your fashion, not leaning in, and your 'assumption stacking', but this is nowhere near as important as self-development, working on yourself and practicing to get to a place where you're a high-value guy. Girls are like bloodhounds, they can detect if underneath your thin veneer of game you are not the real deal or the man you are trying to portray yourself to be - hence the shit tests.

I say, concentrate on working on yourself primarily. This, at times, may come across as terribly slow progress. However, in the end, you won't regret it.

As for more practical advice: You need to think LESS, and clear your mind of most of this pick-up white noise and balderdash - you don't need it. You are already more than enough. You think this is how Di Caprio picks up girls? Nooooooo!

Try something like this:

Ian: "Hey (strong, not wishy-washy, or apologetic - you're a MAN remember), I know this is unusual but I saw you from over there and...(pause)...I thought you looked really nice."

THEN, KEEP TALKING, DO NOT LOOK FOR A POSITIVE REACTION - THAT IS IRRELEVANT.

"...you look like you stepped straight out of a pop video. I like how yadda-yadda-yadda."

An important thing to remember is that the girl is not taking in anywhere near as much as you believe she is taking in of what is coming out of your mouth. To go back to my first point, as long as it is congruent and coming from a place of love and truth it doesn't matter what you say.

So, be cool, be patient, don't try, and above all, to yourself be true.

Here to help,

Richie Rich

[Rob]

Ian,

I TRULY believe that 99% of sticking points guys have on here with women is simply due to their INNER game. Nobody can convince me otherwise of this.

A man who is cool and centred, non-needy, with an abundant mentality, who is approaching the girl to see if she will fit into his life - and not the other way around - will simply come across as an attractive man to a girl naturally; it will radiate out of him, and women will pick up on this.

Yes, it may be semi-important, my friend, to work on your eye contact, your vocal tonality, your fashion, not leaning in, and your 'assumption stacking', but this is nowhere near as important as self-development, working on yourself and practicing to get to a place where you're a high-value guy. Girls are like bloodhounds, they can detect if underneath your thin veneer of game you are not the real deal or the man you are trying to portray yourself to be - hence the shit tests.

I say, concentrate on working on yourself primarily. This, at times, may come across as terribly slow progress. However, in the end, you won't regret it.

As for more practical advice: You need to think LESS, and clear your mind of most of this pick-up white noise and balderdash - you don't need it. You are already more than enough. You think this is how Di Caprio picks up girls? Nooooooo!

Try something like this:

Ian: "Hey (strong, not wishy-washy, or apologetic - you're a MAN remember), I know this is unusual but I saw you from over there and...(pause)...I thought you looked really nice."

THEN, KEEP TALKING, DO NOT LOOK FOR A POSITIVE REACTION - THAT IS IRRELEVANT.

"...you look like you stepped straight out of a pop video. I like how yadda-yadda-yadda."

An important thing to remember is that the girl is not taking in anywhere near as much as you believe she is taking in of what is coming out of your mouth. To go back to my first point, as long as it is congruent and coming from a place of love and truth it doesn't matter what you say.

So, be cool, be patient, don't try, and above all, to yourself be true.

Here to help,

Richie Rich

This is a nice post and I do agree with this 100% but for a guy who is completely new they sometimes have to be given certain guidelines of where to take the conversation and certain other basics etc. This can also make them feel a lot more comfortable in the convo if they now know where to take it.

To take it to a place you are talking about i.e. 'a natural' it can really take years to get there when you can casually cruise up to a girl with nothing in mind and get her attracted.

I just think for a new guy they need a little more 'hands on' advice. Reason being when I think back to when I was new and I just wanted to know how to approach and talk to girls if someone said to just focus on developing myself it wouldn't solve the problem of seeing that girl right in front of me and me still not being able to approach.

[Rumba!]

I think for most newcomers to day game, you want a blend of the two. As Rob mentions, a shy, awkward guy can't just be told "be a man!" and then expect girls to throw themselves at him, so they do need more immediate practical advice, as in what steps to follow and how to act etc..
But equally, once guys have learnt the basics and then just spend any free time, running up and down Oxford Street throwing out lines like ?Hey I saw you walking past and I just...? blah blah blah..ultimately they're going to find it rather empty after a while, unless as Richie says they start developing themselves at the same time, and gain confidence, by taking up new interests such as hobbies, sports, travelling etc..and increase their social circle.
I never go out now ?just to do day game? unless I?m coaching, as I find just wandering around unfulfilling. I seem to have a lot better interactions now that I just get on with my life and meet girls on the way to/from work, when I go to buy something, visit a gallery or exhibition etc..

Peace,
Rumba! 

[Simba]

I think if you really want to get to the bottom of the problem you should ask a friend to try and record the approach. Then post it online for dissection.

[IanTheDon]

Alright guys thanks for all the help I really appreciate all the feedback I now have a better idea on what I have to work on. I will differently look over assumption stacking and try to change my attitude to a more relaxed and cool state. Thanks for all the help and I will let you guys know how things go.

Hey Simba do you know any good ways to record the approach? You know audio and video wise.

[Richie Rich]

Rob,

I do agree entirely with your sentiments, my friend. However, everybody has got a different story to tell when they get knee-deep into this; everybody's path to The Emerald City varies. So, I can only speak about my own life experience and from my own perspective.

When I first got into this, about 8 years ago, the game was all about indirect and Mystery Method. As a result, like many other people, I memorized dozens of lines and routines and went indirect and under the radar. However, this proved unsuccessful because, not only did all these lines, routines and theories keep me imprisoned in my head, in addition, underneath it all as a man, I was everything that was unattractive to a woman: try-hard, insecure, desperate and eager to please. This was the veneer of game that I was referring to.

However, when I graduated - as men automatically do, to a more direct style thru exposure to the guys from RSD, Sasha, the fellows on here etc., things improved...but only SLIGHTLY. Direct game is a lot more simpler, cleaner and sexy, and so I WAS able to throw away 90% of the indirect stuff that had been clogging up my mind. However, even with direct game there are still important things to remember which still forces you to go into your head at times, preventing you from being sharp, present and completely in the moment.

Having said that, although the direct route felt more simpler and more congruent to the person I am, there was still a lot of unattractive aspects of my personality bubbling away under the surface.

However, the change came only recently. In the course of learning pick-up, people will come across the name, Eckhart Tolle and his teachings. Some people like him, others don't. However, it was the teachings and ideas of a guy called, Adyashanti that really opened my eyes. I won't go into what he has to say - that's your job.

As a result though, my understanding of you, me, life and the universe blasted through me like an electric shock and produced a feeling of such calmness and positivity that I had never experienced the like of before. That feeling has now transcended into how I interact with women: I talk slower, I move slower, my eye contact is steady and unflinching, my head is full on no-thinking, I do nothing, and girls - young enough to be my daughters, regularly eye-ball me and smile at me as we pass each other on the street.

It's all good, but it has taken me YEARS to get to this point in my life.

On a side-issue, chaps, checkout, 'The Secret' by Rhonda Byrne.

Here to help, yours respectfully,

Richie Rich,