Insecurity about my age; lifelong shyness with women

[redgreen]

Hey Daygamers,

I'm very new to this, did an Art of Rapport seminar back in December with Pickup 101, which was very good, and also have the Daygame Blueprint DVD. I've done a total of maybe 30 cold approaches in these past couple of months.  Most days I can't motivate myself to do it and there seem to be several sticking points.

For one thing, I live in a college town where, according to Wikipedia, the average age is 23, so maybe 90% of the women I wouldn't immediately disqualify as unattractive are well under 30.  I'm 50.  I think I look good for my age, a woman at one of the places I work guessed my age as 39 the other day, but still, I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around the idea that someone young enough to be my daughter could take the idea of me being a sexual or dating partner seriously.  What do you think, guys, if you were a hot young twentysomething woman, would you want to fuck me?     Anyway, that's one of my issues is that I just feel a little weird about approaching women who are obviously much younger than I am. 

And even though I'm more outgoing than I was as a young man, I still think I have more social anxiety with women than the average guy.  I can feel just fine and relaxed lecturing to a room of 80 students (I'm a college professor), but put me in front of an attractive woman I don't know well or at all and it can be a very different story.  Sometimes the conversation goes fine, and other times I freeze up and can't think of anything to say.  This seems especially likely to happen if I go very direct (such as telling a woman I think she's cute straight away).

Maybe if I just do a lot more approaches I'll calm down a bit and these issues will sort themselves out?  I don't know; any advice would be appreciated.

Jeff

[archer1000]

Interesting topic Jeff.

I have not thought about the implications of a 50 year old guy going direct on 20-25 year old hot chicks on the street.

I'll be honest, I don't think your success rate will be high. I'm sure some guys will say that I am being overly negative but you have to be realistic.

If I was you, I would look to meet these girls through social circle. Join clubs, go to casual bars. You are a college professor so I assume you have money and are successful, which is attractive. I just think that you will be facing an uphill battle on the street. Sure you will have SOME success if you persist and approach a lot of girls but you have to ask yourself if all of that work will be worth it.

On the other hand, if you look very good (dress well) and approach enough girls I firmly believe that you definitely will pull some girls. Looking at your post it seems that you really need a kick up the arse. You said you don't have the motivation to approach some times. Ask yourself if you really want this, because you will have a harder time having success at this than someone like me who is half your age and fairly good looking.

What I am saying is that you have a big handicap here. You need to make up for it with WILL and DESIRE... getting out there and working your ass off in the field. Can you commit to doing that? Are you capable? Seriously think about it. Direct street game is not the only way to pull women and probably not the optimum way for you to go about pulling women.

[Rumba!]

Jeff,

You have a massive advantage over young guys, in that you've accumulated knowledge and life experience that they can only dream of, which a load of girls will find attractive. Yes it will be tough but then if you read a lot of younger guys posts, here on the forum, they're not dating hot girls after only doing five approaches, either!!
I'd avoid joining clubs unless you know the type of girls you like are attending as it could end up "hit and miss". I'd also avoid regularly hitting bars, as you say that it's a college town and you may get a reputation as the "craddle snatcher" if all you do is hang around on your own, chatting to young girls each weekend. By all means go with some friends, or if someone suggests going to a party there, then great, as you can approach girls as any guy would do. Cafes, coffee shops, juice bars, shops etc.. all offer great opportunities. Try experimenting with Indirect, Compliment and Direct openers, to see what works for you. Also as an older guy it's important to dress well; not like a guy ten years younger, but classic clothes (think Mr Clooney!  ). Also try and have some knowledge about "younger trends". You don't want to start saying how you've "just bought XXXX's latest rap album which is dope" as you'll come across as sad and desperate but some background knowledge about the latest movies/music/culture..etc will help in conversation. As an older guy I love jazz and I'm always amazed by the number of younger women who like it. If you have any hobbies or interests, be passionate about them. They don't have to be "cool" or "hip", but women love a guy who's passionate about things in his life.
If you find yourself getting stuck on what t say try the trusted "Question-Statement-Question" approach. You ask her a question and then just make a statement on her answer i.e "You like Mexico, huh!?", "That reminds me, I once went to this great Tacco place in....blah blah" and just take it from there. Don't just ask question after question as it ends up in interview mode.

Try and listen to the recent Daygame podcast about Older guys which may be helpfull.
Good luck on your journey and keep us posted on your upcoming sucesses!

Peace,
Rumba! 

[redgreen]

Thanks, guys!  I meant to include a photo in my last post but for some reason it didn't show up.  It's at: http://s809.photobucket.com/albums/zz15/july191979/?action=view&current=smilescropped3.jpg
As you can see, photographic evidence seems to contradict my subconscious mind's impression that there's a scarlet number 50 emblazoned across my forehead.

From my understanding of how development of "game" works, success depends more on being able to get into a frame of mind where you're "in the moment" and not thinking about the possibility of rejection, your own perceived inadequacies, or anything else except the interaction with the girl in front of you, and that getting to that point requires lots of practice (during which there's enough success of some sort to provide encouragement) more than anything else.

[rbrt]

Here's what I found out.

First of all, the whole development (at least at 'our' age) is twofold: fixing that damn self-perception and social skills thing and secondly getting laid.

If you can accomplish the first, you're in a different place from where you were. Just be able to communicate 'hey this is me I'm a guy I like fucking' to a girl without any holdbacks of internal shit is worth gold. Of course all this wrapped in the right social skills. If you can do that, be that, you can look at yourself in the mirror and say 'I'm ok' no matter result.

I've noticed guys at older age learn slower, it can take a couple of years. Not sure why that is but it seems to be true.

Further, girls over 30, 35, are different from the stuff that's dealt with mainly on this forum. They are wiser, more relationship driven, they've seen the 'quick adventures' and don't do things any more they later will call 'crazy things'. If they do there's something wrong with them, but that's my opinion.

Now if you want to know about results: there's 40yo's out there that are crazy sexy and lonely. I know that because I meet them. At my age (42) I can pull girls 20 years my junior for a coffee regularly BUT it's hard to get the 'sex vibe thing' going on without making it somewhat more explicit. There seems to be no 'blabla alpha man' kind of stuff that leads to sex automatically, it's best to be explicit (again with the appropriate social skills). I'm experimenting with throwing in the "listen up, here's what I'm looking for ...." speech.

Again, as far as I know, there's no option but to go this way, if this is prio one in life like for most guys into this. You will not regret it.

I'm much of a one man show and don't have a lot with 'the community' except I accidentally ran into Yad one day on the street and found out about all this. I think he's super but may not have the vision from a higher age perspective of that is required, it's just a different game with different requirements, different girls and mabye even different goals.

My suggestion would be to find a mentor 40+. I guess they are out there.

[Honeylover]

Hello there,

I'm not quite in the same boat (I'm 39) but do get where you are coming from.

There are girls who go for much older guys.  I would hazard a guess and say that they are a significant minority.  Even with zero game, I have had a several girls under 25 come onto me. (unfortunately I didn't fancy them, hence my recent interest in daygame!).  One of these girls is now dating a guy who is 50ish.

My ex-girlfriend had a LTR with a guy 20 years her senior, so it does happen.

Yeah, I think you have to play to your strengths.  Women want to be reassured and if you have a calm confidence then it's a big plus. 

Personally, I'm not really into airhead 20 year olds.  But the hot 25-35 year olds are sadly lacking in my town ... pfff

[Ninon de Lenclos]

i think you should ask berlusconi...

[Gaydame]

Ask Ross Jeffries. Word is he's 53 and knocking about with girls 30 years his junior. Depends what you want. Anything's possible. Ignore the naysayers

[Sebastion Reef]

Jeff,

Judging by your photo I think your a nice guy maybe too much of a nice guy. Nothing wrong with being nice but can be disastrous when picking up younger women. If you teach at the college where most of these girls are then your chances are definitely slimmer. Like the one guy said maybe street game won't work so well for you. You need to offer these girl's something new, the sugar daddy experience. You can't show any timid, weak or shy behavior in front of these girls.They are looking for a man and not another friend. Try operating in a bar where the girl's have a little alcohol in and are then up for some new experiences. You see, you have a reputation to uphold as a college professor so things are going to be difficult, but if you dress up fashionably, act confident and in control, being charming and charismatic and not creepy or sleazy, the girls won't see you as a cradle snatcher but as a man to be reckoned with, an attractive gentleman who carries himself well. if you act cool and confident you won't get a bad rep around town for picking up younger women. Younger women (all women basically) want a MAN that can lead her into a romantic state. That's the game and it won't change.

I really hope you come right, cause your on a gold mine of hot young women and every man should get in on the action, young or old.

Warmly
Sebastion