an old post on a topic close to my heart. i wrote this a long time ago and its as correct today as it was then.
ok, so we have all heard this expression before. and, to an extent it is indeed true. nice guys DO usually finish last.
however, this is because most 'nice guys' are doing nice stuff for the wrong reasons. most nice guys will do something nicefor someone inthe expectation of positive approval. they will try to 'get people to like them' by doing nice stuff. and, when it doesnt work out they will take it personally. also, they quite often try to help people even at their own expense.
so whats my point? my point is that nice guys dont have to finish last. being nice isnt going to hurt your chances in pick up if you continue to keep your boundaries whislt doing so. dont let people take advantage of you, but dont withold your capacity to be nice because youre scared of showing some sort of weakness. do nie things because its nice to be nice. people like nice people because nice people are good to be around. they make you feel good about yourself purely by beaing near them.
a lot of people recently have been asking me why im so positive all the time now, why do i compliment so many people? well, a compliment to me costs nothing, but to those people its a tiny little bit of appreciation in a world where we can often feel alone. its a tiny little recognition that they exist, and not only that but they are doing it well. sometimes i do a nice little off the cuff gesture for someone, hold a door open or walk a little while with a tourist looking for directions. just small things that show a little awareness of other people, their feelings and their needs.
im a nice guy, and i rarely finish last. dont be pricks, youre all better than that.
edit: i forgot to mention that when you help people you feel good about yourself. you cant even help feeling good when you do good. its a wonderful thing. and it will have a knock on effect on your own life and self image. its like when you smile you cant feel sad (its a weird psycho-motor thing i believe), when you do good you cant feel bad.
further to this post here is a reply from the original thread that was excellent and i think it deserves to be seen as well:
Bringing niceness to the world is huge. And it doesn't have to be beta.
I break the world down into 3 groups of people: the weak, the strong (who prey on the weak), and the "super-strong", who defend the weak and act as enforcers. They are the ones who bring justice and decency to the world and keep the "strong" in check from abusing the weak. That is the ultimate alpha ability. I was started off pretty weak in life, all through my teenage years, but somewhere inside I found a little something that has allowed me to move beyond that. If I'd never have been one of the weak I might be content to be preying on them, but I can't. So I aim to be in the "super-strong" group.
It may sound a bit arrogant, but it's not at all meant to be a superiority thing. It's more a reminder of the place of the truly alpha man in society.
BTW - I had been kicking this idea around for a while before I mentioned it to my ex-girlfriend a couple of years ago. She totally agreed with me, and put me in that group. She confirmed that the combination of strength and kindness was about the ultimate in her eyes. I suspect she's not alone.