Bystanders scare me

[loyd]

It's official: I just finished my first day of day game.

I approached one girl in a park and had a long conversation, but she was looking at photos and I'm a photographer so I felt a bit like it was cheating :-)

But, on the street I got scared. In about 2 hours I saw 4 good targets and got so far as to start running to do a Yad stop. But, as I broke into a run I saw all the people on the street coming the other direction like in hyper-speed and I freaked out.

So then I tried going after one girl on a street that was basically empty. But she got really scared when I started coming up behind her. Oops! Clearly I need to get over my fear of crowds so I'm not the empty street creeper.

So: I don't understand why I have way more fear of other people seeing what I'm doing than I do of her reaction or of being rejected. The most natural thing in the world apart from death -- a man approaching a girl out of an interest in reproducing -- is something I feel very embarrassed by. What's more, my rational mind tells me that people who see me would actually think I'm pretty brave and cool.

I don't get it. Where does this crowd fear come from? Anyone else have this?

[Rumba!]

It's quite common for guys to feel nervous approaching a stranger in front of others. It's linked to the fear that if we're rejected then everyone will notice and rejoice in our pain and sorrow for even thinking of talking to a beautiful girl, even though:

# Most people will presume the both of you know each other.
# They won't care either way!

Remember 99% of people are wrapped up in their own thoughts, and probably wont even register whats going on. I've lost count of the amount of times friends of mine will come up to me and say "Hey, I saw you at lunchtime and waved but you didn't even seem to see me!?". I get so caught up with my own thoughts/problems/things to do..etc that I just "tune out".

As you say, probably all the guys are looking at that hot girl, wishing they had the guts to say "Hi". You not only have the guts to say "Hi" but have the balls to chat her up! Be the legend in their eyes and step up to the plate, my friend! 

Peace,
Rumba! 

[Rob]

What Rumba said is spot on.

I know how you feel though as this was honestly the biggest hurdle I had to get over myself. I remember one of the first ever posts I made on these forums was somewhere along the lines of that I find this hard to do in front of other people.

Its true that most people wont even notice and the ones that do, sometimes look round like 'wow i have not seen that before!' I have even had guys preted they are texting on there phone listening in so they could hear what I was saying to her. At first this would of completely put me off but now I come from the place of im PROUD of what im doing. Its a rush like being on stage as the guys are probably looking over thinking ' I wish i could do that'.

Know for a fact that anyone else who may see will never have the balls themselves to do what you are doing so you should see it as a liberating experience as any guys looking over will walk off questioning his own ability in meeting women and any women who see would wish a guy could approach them like that

Andy has also made a good article on it here- http://www.daygame.com/2010/articles/how-to-talk-to-girls-when-the-whole-world-is-watching/

[loyd]

Thanks a lot guys. Being new at this, I appreciate your experience :-)

Question -- do you think it's best to get over this little by little, i.e. just giving compliments in passing, asking directions, etc? Or, to jump in all the way doing all out Yad stops trying to take it to # closes?

[Mr.Sociable]

There is also a video with Andy about State Shifting, it talks about the last question you have asked.

A have the same problem since now. I'm approaching sometimes getting laid, but sometimes I still fell this anxiety about the crowd. But your tips will help me, thank you...

[Rumba!]

do you think it's best to get over this little by little, i.e. just giving compliments in passing, asking directions, etc? Or, to jump in all the way doing all out Yad stops trying to take it to # closes?/quote]

Only you can answer that, based on just how nervous you feel!?

If you really can't open then asking directions, for example, will mean the girl will start saying "Oh, I think it's over..blah blah blah..." and then you may start to over think things and say to yourself: "Oh God, here comes someone towards us. I'll just wait till' he goes..Oh no, here's another person.." and then chicken out. By going straight into a "I saw you walking along and I just had to say..." type opener then you've done it. Balls in her court. Screw anyone listening!!

If that seems like too much, too soon, try combining them i.e.
You: "Hey, do you know where XXXX is?"
Her: "Oh, I ...."
You (smiling) "No, I know where it is I just wanted an excuse to come say hi"!

Peace,
Rumba! 

[Jonners]

I hear what the OP is saying very much but there is one venue where I get even more anxiety than I would in the streets about bystanders watching and that is on the train / tube.

[loyd]

So, I've now gotten a handful of approaches under my belt. And I've gotten over my fear of bystanders to some extent.

But, two new dimensions of this emerge:

1. If I daygame in the same neighborhood a lot, won't the shopkeepers begin to know what's up? How often do you guys switch up neighborhoods?
2. A couple times I've later seen a girl that I previously opened! One time I was about to approach another girl, right in front of her.

I guess my questions are two:
1. How big a neighborhood do you guys sarge in?
2. How often do you switch up neighborhoods?