An ancient flame write me back

[spy4u]

Hi, in 2010, I met and fell in love with a girl.  She said that she wasn't going to be more than a friend because her breakup was too recent.  But after a few weeks, we became intimate and it lasts for about three months until she met another guy from which she fell in love.

After she told me this, I felt in a depression for a few months because I was in a oneitis.  We kept contact by email but not that much.  Eventually, a few months after, she had a breakup with her boyfriend and when I heard about this, I had the idea to get her back (bad idea).

Eventually, I became lame and needy and five months ago she told me by SMS that she is not interested in continuing to see me like this.  We said adios and from this point I felt a real lack of pressure on me.  I felt better because I know I lost her and it's finish, completely.  I knew that it was impossible to be in a relationship with her so I said to myself that I needed to look forward and do something with my life.  I was just sad that we couldn't stay friends.  Only friends.

So about one month ago, I wrote her an email describing my mistakes, lame and needy guy ... and that I understand why she doesn't want to stay friends with me.  And I finished my email by opening a window for a friendship only relation if she thinks that we have something to share ...

No answer from her after this email but on the 1st of January, I received an email from her saying Happy new year and wishing me the best in love, health ...

My question is, do you think she wants to reconnect with me as a friend or I am just imagining something?  I know a lot of you will say, let her go ... but today it's very clear in my mind that I am not in love with her anymore and a love relationship would be impossible between us.

So, I am waiting for your advice.  Thanks in advance!

[handy andy]

you've clearly had a lot of emotional shit with this girl. it's very hard to be friends with an ex where the relationship had a lot of drama, unrequinted feelings etc. even if you did become friends then drama wouldnt be far round the corner.

it may sound harsh but its true; the best thing for you is to move on. sounds like you poured your heart out in an email and got a 'happy new year, all the best for future' pat on the head in return. cmon, what does that tell you ? sorry mate - just the way it is sometimes.

[Rumba!]

Every year at New Year, I get emails from people I haven't seen for ages, wishing me all the best. It's the polite thing to do, but I don't suddenly think they want to get in touch and have a few beer's with me, so equally, I think this girl is just being nice; end of story! I know you say you don't fancy her anymore but to stay in touch, even via the odd email, may start you thinking "Oh, perhaps there's a chance?!...." NOOOOO!!!!!!

Move on my friend.

Peace,
Rumba! 

[Kyle Daymaker]

Clearly you have a thing for her. If you didn't, you wouldn't post this. We're talking about a 3 month fling from 2 years ago. I don't know why you're hung up on a girl who left you for another guy. So she wished you a happy new year, the only thing that means is that she has a pulse.

I bet the majority of my ex-girlfriends would do the same, and none of them would do it with the intention of getting back together. They're just being nice. You will forever hold a different place in her life then most guys ever will. Meaning that even if she's really promiscuous she will only sleep with 40-60 guys in her whole life, and you're one of them. So her showing you a little kindness on a holiday, isn't too out of the question for her.

I doubt you actually want to be friends with her. I know you say "I'm not in love with her", "I just want her in my life" blah blah blah. I just have trouble believing it. It seems a bit obsessive that after all this time, you want the lines of communication open with her. There seems to be ulterior motives at play. You stood on the sidelines waiting for her to breakup with the guy she dumped you for, and when she did you confessed your undying love for her. Not cool. Neediness is the biggest pussy repellent on earth. Even super rich millionaires like Mel Gibson (hilariously)can't get away with it. Neediness is extremely hard to come back from, in the unlikely event it's even possible.

This girl is nothing but a memory my friend. I know what you're hoping. You hope she agrees to be "friends" you hang out with her a few times, you show her how great you are, and she will fall madly in love with you. Not happening. She's not the girl of your dreams, she's the girl of your obsessions.

[spy4u]

What I didn't said is that after she breakup with her ex last spring, we met three times.  The last time I saw her was in July of 2011.  We stopped communicating in last August.

[Lux Lisbon]

I feel your pain. However, I cannot think of one single reason for letting her back into your life - I really think that it cannot possibly enhance you as a person.

I got into this to leave such scenarios behind.

I recommend: wish her all the best, but move on, grow, and leave all that drama behind you.

You don't need it.

[spy4u]

Thanks for your comments everybody.