'Game' - is it eating your mind?

[Lummers]

http://daygame.com/cafe/index.php/topic,1070.0.html


If you haven't read this thread by Lux Lisbon, you should.
Do it now, before you read my post.

Ok. You're back in the room.

Lux, if you're reading this I have to say that was a brilliant post and I say that because I am in this stage at the moment. I'm reading tonnes and tonnes of information about Game all the time and it never ends.

This is the curse.

The gift of game, is that you come to realise you can learn to attract women! Great! You have wanted to do this shit since the day your high school crush went off with that dickhead you never liked. Now you can get girls instead of losing them. Whoop, you are full of joy.

But.

The curse of the game is that you find you are reading so much material, all that seems to contradict each other, you are analysing every social situation and you are becoming more pessimistic about your 'skills' with women because you realise there are so many things you don't know.

Everything becomes a play to you.

Recently I have been thinking to myself. How do I deal with banter from my friends?
I looked up advice on the internet and I got many different responses...

Friend says:

'You're a dick, you dick.'

I say:

a) 'Yeah, and you're mums a whore.'
b) 'Yeah, I am a dick.'
c) 'Ha, You're a twat.'
d) *Silence.
e) 'Go fuck yourself.'
f) *Smile and turn away.
g) Laugh.
h) ETC....

There are so many options, you just end up confused.
And this relates to everything:

There are so many books and advice about picking up women you could be reading FOREVER.
The more you read, the worse you get.

Step one: Begins with confusion.
Step Two: I need to read more.
Step Three: More knowledge leads to more contradiction.
Step Four: You are still confused.
Step Five: You enter a downward spiral.
Step Six: You hit anger and ask yourself 'Why can't I just figure this out. How do I do it!?'

Lux says this:

My advice to you would be to just keep experimenting while being authentic and true to your own personality

And that seems to be the best advice anyone can give.

Keep Experimenting.
Be True with yourself.

There's a brilliant concept in CBT which is behavioural experiments.
You figure out what you want and then you act in a way that you think would get that result.
If it doesn't work, you change what you did and then you try again.
Eventually through persistance with experimenting you will fall on something that works.

The problem with this is that you will have MANY rejections.

The beauty is that you figure out what works for you.
You are not weighted down by reading and contradictions.
You are FIELD TESTING you're own methods, actually USING them.
You are creating yourself, and getting congruent results to who YOU are. Not a guru.

The point Lux makes about pick-up being utter madness is very true.
All these little manipulative tricks, games and power plays - It's mentally exhausting.
You go into a conversation thinking WAY too much, and as such you just end up tiring yourself out.

A conversation should be a completely natural and fun thing to do. It is a source of leisure.
How can we make that so when we are inside our own heads trying to analyse everything people do.

PEOPLE ARE COMPLETELY RANDOM CREATURES AND IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PIN THEM DOWN.

Game is a viscious circle...

I've been reading book after book, and as Lux said always running after the next magic bullet.

Case Study:

An advertisement. 'How to give girls the best sex they ever had.'
I opened it up and started listening...

'You'll learn how to give girls ROLLING orgasms....That's multiple, multiple orgasms given BACK to BACK.'

Great! Where do I enter my bank details!?

Seriously! What bullshit, this is just praying on naive, insecure men who think they don't know how to give a woman an orgasm. What goes through their minds is this:

'Ahh shit, a rolling orgasm... I don't know what that is. I must be shit in bed. I need to find out what it is.'

But in reality. It doesn't exist! It's a ploy. It's designed to make you hand over your money.

All that you need to give a girl a great orgasm is to feel completely comfortable having sex with her, be in the moment, relax and enjoy the sex. - Not be up inside you're own head about what you are doing!

---

My opinion on all of game is very warped at the moment.
There is so much advice out there you will end up eating your brain out in the wake of several 'gurus'.

STOP FUCKING YOUR MIND.

Being social is a beautiful natural thing..
Why must we be so contrived?
Why must we insert formulas speech patterns?

My only advice is this:
Stop reading game.
Go out and learn for yourself - Through hard persistance and many rejections you will acheive.
And the best part is... you will be congruent with yourself. You're method will be your own and you will be happier.

Oh and one last thing...

'What did you do last night?'
'I stayed up late and read books about what to say to girls.'

You think that's attractive?

[BeStrong]

Haven't read your whole post but I have to say I had experienced an overload from information and I had to take a break from all of it twice. My recent break was from last winter(february) to 1-2 months ago. And the reason I got back on the horse was that I've watched Direct Dating Summit which shifted me to direct game. With direct approach to all of this there is still a littlebit confusion(diferent materials to read) but when I concentrate only on the philosophy it all make sense and I can just be me. So I think no more breaks for me

[Lux Lisbon]

Awesome, my friend - my point exactly, and I think you are at a point now where you are just about to say, "fuck it", and be yourself with no tricks, no routines, and no head games; just balls-out, putting your personality on the line and letting the cards fall where they may.

Now, I'm not saying: Just Be Yourself, if you're a World Of Warcraft geek, with no social skills, who stays up til 3.00am masturbating to pornography in his mother's nightie. No, that won't work. You still have to go through the process and buy into the programme: you still have to work on yourself and foster the right attitude and mindset; you still have to get rid of that needy, whiney little bitch that crouches inside you screaming for attention; you still have to learn about the qualities that a woman finds attractive and embrace them until they become a part of you.

However, once that is done - you're Yoda; even though they are fun, you don't need the books, the Youtube videos, and the latest Pick-up mumbo jumbo any more.

Until you get to this point though, keep it simple: choose just ONE teacher/guru/PUA (Sasha and the guys on here are as good as anyone, in my experience), and go with their approach - but do not be a cookie-cutout, do not be their mirror image.

Be true to yourself. Remember who you are. You are enough.

[Lummers]

You clearly know what you're saying.

There is a required amount of learning to be done before you can 'be yourself'.
Things like leading and push/pull, body language etc...

But it gets to a point where you feel you're still your old self, you've just got lots of 'accessories' which make you attractive. You just know how to 'play the game' and you are not doing it because it's you, you're doing it because you know it works.

Here's my view:

I think it might be like, you have to learn the bare essentials.
And then with those you have to learn how to be yourself, encorporating the essentials.
And personally I think that may be the hardest stage to power through, because no longer have you got any gurus helping you anymore. You just have to figure it out for yourself, based on the things you know.

Do you think I'm right? - Because currently I'm unaware of where I sit at this stage.
I know deep down I have done enough reading, but at the same time I am scared to let the books go, because I fear it's going to be even harder and will lead to many more rejections.
I also fear I will forget what I have learnt and will spiral back down into who I used to be.

Currently, the books are acting as a safety net. Like stabilisers on a bike.
And I am panicking like hell about taking them off. - Am I ready?

[Jonners]

The gift of game, is that you come to realise you can learn to attract women! Great! You have wanted to do this shit since the day your high school crush went off with that dickhead you never liked. Now you can get girls instead of losing them. Whoop, you are full of joy.

This bit is what rings so true to most of us! Whilst I wish in a way that I could have discovered this about 8 years ago, it does inspire. 

[MMH]

I have to be honest and wish I'd found out about Mode One first. But it wasn't as 'big' back in the day I suppose. PUA led me to that anyway.

[Cloud Chaoszero]

I have that feeling too. :/

[Charleston]

I just think that its a matter of balancing practice and theory. Being good with women is a skill just like dancing, sport or music.

You need practice to learn where your mistakes are and theory/advice to correct them.
You need theory/advice to know what to do, then you need practice to make it subconscious.

The thing about all those courses and ebooks and stuff is that I think people consume them in the wrong way. I won't dispute what they are saying, I'm sure if you are really good at this stuff, you could identify the 8 types of women and how you should respond to them or the 6 stages of attraction or whatever. The thing is, they have probably got to the stage where this stuff happens subconsciously, like a musician doesn't think about what scales he is playing, so they are actually in the moment and all this theory just sits below the surface, pushing things in the desirable direction.

Trial and error is important. Some people have become very good using only trial and error, but I think that can be a long and slow process. People have already gone through that and come up with multiple roads to success, all you need the trial and error for is finding out which one of these roads suits you to go down.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAySGkxoHXw

[Gaydame]

I think balance is the key - reading stuff has been very useful - I think if you read nothing it takes you longer to learn, but if you only read you never will learn!

[Amazin]

This is a very good thread. I think the key is balance. You need to practise while keep yourself updated with important information. I think almost everything can be subjective and there is no right and wrong answers.

I'm play Poker as a hobby and I need to study and practise at same time. Can't do one without the other.

Lux is very right though. I think the whole industry is a joke. Its a reflection of modern society where youths are spending more and more time doing unsociable activities and this create huge amount of alienation.

[levitt71]

so true best to get out there and do the practical - from you re understudy Adam !