On the verge of trying "direct" but how did you make it happen?

[Jonners]

We have discussed the whole direct vs indirect debate numerous times before, but I am at the stage where I feel I say to myself "Today, I will open a girl with a compliment" (would that be classed as direct or semi-direct?) but still chicken out and take too long and then it's too late or go indirect as usual.

I know many peeps here went indirect to begin with before mastering direct but what exactly was it that pushed you out of your comfort zone and made you make that first direct/compliment opener without feeling at all nervous?

[John Matrix]

Just do it. Don't expext not to feel nervous, you will for some time. Being nervous is ok, accept it,  don't resist it. Resisting it makes it a problem.

 I'd suggest doing it in small steps.  Approach, give the compliment and then say 'have a nice day' and eject to begin with. That way its not a big thing, you know all you have you have to do is give the compliment then leave. Once you get comfortable doing that, then try transitioning into a conversation.

You really just have to 'man up' take the plunge and just do it. You'll see its really no big deal. All these hot, intimidating women are just little girls inside. They are way more insecure than you. Remember - You are a man, and you're not scared of little girls. .

[pfirter]

i think what pushed me the first time was knowing that other guys were out there learning this too. so if i wanted to learn it i had to go out and do it.

i was pretty nervous the first time, and i still get a little nervous doing it. i even showed a girl one time that my hand was shaking and told her she was making me nervous. and guess what, i didn't die of embarrassment and she didn't call the cops on me. its really not as big of a deal as you make it out to be in your mind.

[MMH]

Breathe in, compose yourself, then catch up with her and say what you've got to say. I got a far more positive result from just being honest instead of skirting round the issue.

[Kyros]

   I struggled for ages going direct as i had crippling Approach Anxiety. I would go into central London to practice and i couldnt even open one girl.

That was then....NOW i can open ANY girl direct without any hesitation.

So, you might be asking how i made such a transition? For me it all came down to one thing and only one thing...

HOW MUCH DO I REALLY FUCKING WANT IT ? HOW BADLY DID I WANT TO CREATE THE LIFESTYLE AND THE OPTIONS I WANT WITH BEAUTIFUL WOMEN?

You have to decide what your goals are and then you have to make them so BIG and INSPIRING that all this other bullshit and pussyfooting around becomes insignificant compared to your dreams and goals.

So what if she walks away, so what if she says she has a boyfriend and so what if she ignores you...BIG FUCKING DEAL, your a man...a confident man who knows what he wants and goes for it and accepts that not every girls on this earth is going to be into you. Just move onto the next one and learn to accept the feelings of AA you might have, treat AA like its your best friend, work with it and not against it and you will discover it can become a beautiful and beneficial emotion for you.

Get out there and make your life how you want it..take the leap and ride through the momentary discomfort you might feel when you start approaching, do this and i promise you when learn to harness that pre-approach feeling and then approaching women becomes exciting and addictive.

I can tell you from my experience that to me there is a feeling far more uncomfortable then any form of rejection and that my friend is the feeling of REGRET. You have to ask yourself which emotion hurts more and makes you feel worse...

...the emotion that you might get rejected or feel uncomfortable in set OR the emotion of not even trying at all. Look at game from this perspective and this should help and inspire you to just go for it.

Good Luck

[Rob]

   I struggled for ages going direct as i had crippling Approach Anxiety. I would go into central London to practice and i couldnt even open one girl.

That was then....NOW i can open ANY girl direct without any hesitation.

So, you might be asking how i made such a transition? For me it all came down to one thing and only one thing...

HOW MUCH DO I REALLY FUCKING WANT IT ? HOW BADLY DID I WANT TO CREATE THE LIFESTYLE AND THE OPTIONS I WANT WITH BEAUTIFUL WOMEN?

You have to decide what your goals are and then you have to make them so BIG and INSPIRING that all this other bullshit and pussyfooting around becomes insignificant compared to your dreams and goals.

So what if she walks away, so what if she says she has a boyfriend and so what if she ignores you...BIG FUCKING DEAL, your a man...a confident man who knows what he wants and goes for it and accepts that not every girls on this earth is going to be into you. Just move onto the next one and learn to accept the feelings of AA you might have, treat AA like its your best friend, work with it and not against it and you will discover it can become a beautiful and beneficial emotion for you.

Get out there and make your life how you want it..take the leap and ride through the momentary discomfort you might feel when you start approaching, do this and i promise you when learn to harness that pre-approach feeling and then approaching women becomes exciting and addictive.

I can tell you from my experience that to me there is a feeling far more uncomfortable then any form of rejection and that my friend is the feeling of REGRET. You have to ask yourself which emotion hurts more and makes you feel worse...

...the emotion that you might get rejected or feel uncomfortable in set OR the emotion of not even trying at all. Look at game from this perspective and this should help and inspire you to just go for it.

Good Luck

Nicely said my man

[Jonners]

Maybe next time I should try what John Matrix suggested, approach with a simple compliment then eject - at least I will have made a compliment and got a weight off my shoulders I suppose. Also, I should try not to be too picky (which may have been another problem), and perhaps just try it on someone who is something like HB6 to start with. (Not really a big fan of the HB ranking scale personally because tastes can vary from person to person), but look closely if there is something in, say, their dress sense that deserves some kind of praise then I should "say the elephant"!

Maybe a good forumula should be:-

Pre-frame + Time constraint + Compliment (and eject with something like "have a nice day" to begin with)?

Oh, and of course, look happy and SMILE!   

[The Zuberi]

Hey man just some words on how I dealt with it. I recently started daygaming (still busy watching the blueprint), now Im going for about 8-10hours on one day, once every week planning to go 3-4times a week starting upcoming january. Anyway, I personally just started doing it, it really is just that. You might wanna change your standards a bit, I was always afraid of approaching a girl, since I read so much material I felt that if I wouldn't get an instant lay or whatever, I would be a loser. Imagine the pressure!
          Nowadays, just approaching in itself equals success for me. I've placed the bar very low and surprisingly, my fear of approaching is becoming less and less so you might wanna do this. Say to yourself that you don't care if she calls you an asshole or whatever, all you did was approaching a woman that somehow touched you, which is fantastic. So my advice is, lower your expectations and just do it.

Funny sidenote, when I wasn't approaching I was afraid of what I might become (as weird as that might sound), aka, I was actually afraid that I eventually might become good at it which was very scary for me. Nowadays, I'm afraid for NOT approaching since I know that NOT approaching only  strengthens the habit of not facing my fears and I always picture myself as an old lonely guy when I don't approach which puts me right back into 'action state' if that makes any sense. Its like going to the gym, most people make the crucial mistake of giving themselves the option to either A) go to the gym or B) not go to the gym. Never give yourself a choice, I don't care what your circumstances are, you are going to the gym even if a vulcano errupts in your city and you will approach that girl you like, there is no internal dialogue discussing whether to take action or not.

I hope this helps a bit!

[Jonners]

Another thought - when approaching/opening should I mention a line about me wanting to get a present for a girlfriend/female friend? And before anyone comes in and knocks me down with "WTF r u mad, you will never get anywhere with that?" type responses assuming that what I just suggested would contradict everything and never result in a D2/n-close/insta-date or whatever - please bear in mind that this is from the mindset of a relative newbie just doing basic approaches as a way to bust off any lingering approach anxieties as just one of the early steps towards gaining confidence with direct game! 

[MMH]

Experiment in whatever way you feel like. If it doesn't work, then be rid of it.

[Jonners]

Well......newsflash time - I finally made a (reasonably) direct cold approach! 

Nothing too serious, and I pretty much followed John's advice of when doing it for the first time, compliment then eject but where the important thing is that it feels like I have released a weight off my shoulders.

I also followed the suggestion of another thread that has appeared on these boards namely that which asked about lowering standards for direct daygame so I tried not to be too choosy.

The time and location was indeed round good old Oxford Street (isn't it the epicentre of all this?), I saw a 2-set and went to guess they were Spanish (which was correct) and I came and complimented the girl who was proabably HB7 (her friend was a bit lower than that) telling (partly in my broken Spanish) her she had such a cool style and a rebellious look and that I just had to tell her, then ejected with have a nice day and wished them "Feliz Navidad" (that's Merry Christmas in case you wondered!) From the back of my eye I could see them giggling and laughing and maybe they were thinking "what a weird.....", maybe they were but I felt good because I had done a compliment opener - and what's more a compliment I genuinely felt!

So was I being laughed at? Or should I just take pride in this direct/semi-direct attempt, and what be the next step?

[Jonners]

Come to think of it, would any opener where you compliment her look and style and fashion be considered direct or semi-direct, for that matter?

[handy andy]

well there's a danger we can get lost in semantics when we start debating what really constitutes 'direct', or 'indirect' or whateverthefuck...

but : my two cents would be that being 'direct' means being completely direct/honest/upfront about your intentions. so if you really are that moved by her fashion, coat, look then yeah, you're being direct. if however you would like to do allsorts of down and dirty things with her of a weekday night, then no, complimenting her look/coat/pet turtle is not 'direct'.

but yeah, this is just semantics and getting too caught up in what is or isnt this or that is basically verging into the masturbatory territory, only without the sticky end.

[MMH]

Speaking for myself, going up to a girl and telling her that she looks "Stunning" or "Absolutely beautiful" is what I'd call direct. Some people advise, some don't. You make your own mind up, but I like it.

The example you gave above is what I'd personally call 'semi-direct', but if it works for you, then more power to you. I think both are effective in their own way, and both are at least honest and communicate one way or another that you fancy her anyway.

[Jonners]

To be honest I do not think I am at all near ready for Mode One which seems to be better for those with more experience and confidence from game.

One thing that hasn't been answered - how personally should I take it if the target looks puzzled by the compliment and she and her friend(s) start laughing at me?